There is an old familiar story about an emperor who desired to be the very best dressed in his kingdom. Two men posing as weavers swindled him by offering him extravagant clothes they said would be invisible to those who were incompetent. Not wanting to admit that he himself couldn’t see the clothes, he paraded himself naked in front everyone, not understanding that he had been deceived. When it comes to this story, many focus on the emperor but the real emphasis should be on how this was ever allowed to happen. From the beginning, my focus in telling our story has been to have an honest conversation about a culture found in churches that fosters both narcissistic behavior and tribalism that perpetuates spiritual abuse. If form determines function...what kind of form does the Church have that encourages these outcomes? And do we understand the Biblical definition of Church? In the next several weeks we want to talk about accountability and useful questions we should be asking.
Let me please warn you, what I am about to talk about will make some feel uncomfortable. This discomfort might stem from a lack of understanding of the Biblical definition of what it means to be the Church, or from not knowing that a church in the United States is most likely a religious corporation with a 501c3 status. This means it has laws, regulations, and by-laws that need to be followed. For others, the discomfort might stem from the belief that you can never challenge a church’s integrity structure because that would be the tactic of the devil. If that was the case, we would never have had the Reformation because Martin Luther’s 95 Theses would have been considered a tool of Satan. When Jesus walked on this Earth, one of His greatest indictments was not aimed at the Samaritan, the outcast, or the Gentiles. But He did have a lot to say about the religious leaders that took advantage of the less fortunate, exploiting their religious laws for themselves to get ahead. This was demonstrated when Jesus saw the temple being monetized. In righteous anger he flipped the tables where things were being used for commerce. He made the point that His house was to be a place for prayer and that leaders should never use it to pervert God’s right purposes. One of the most challenging scriptures to me since I was a young man was when God spoke through Malachi in chapter 1 verse 10, challenging the priest of the Temple:
“Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my altar!”
Would God rather have the doors of the temple shut than kept open? There is a lot to unpack here in the book of Malachi that was relevant then and is relevant to us now.
Many churches work hard to create safe and healthy communities of worship. What healthy churches have in common is that they are willing to ask tough questions and they have policies that do not allow the leader to “walk without any clothes on”. These churches have a good accountability structure. In unhealthy churches a lack of accountability is often where you start to see the first dominoes falling in the wrong direction. Many of you have shared your own stories with us that broke our hearts. What makes us sadder is that most of these stories could have been avoided if there had been a good accountability structure, led by integrous leaders. Others of you have written expressing that you know things are not healthy at your church. We have been asked what you can do to make things right. I would suggest praying first, acknowledging God, and understanding that it is ok to ask questions of your leaders where you gather to worship. Come from a posture of meekness, give them the benefit of the doubt. Understand that those who carry the weight of accountability and oversight have a position that is not always easy to fill. Please see the following questions that I would consider asking to ensure that a good accountability structure is in place. This is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good start.
1. Does your church have a Board/Council that uses a current handbook that explains different board member roles and responsibilities? Do they comply with all its processes and procedures, especially when things are out of compliance? There are many different types of indiscretions that may need to be addressed: financial, private inurement, sexual, abusive work environments. Other topics like mental health or unbecoming behaviors may also be a problem.
2. How do you become Board/Council members? Who are they and what is the voting process? Are they following term limits listed in the current bylaws? Do they benefit financially or gain influence sitting on the Board/Council?
3. Does anyone on the Board/Council receive a paycheck from the church or receive any kind of benefits? A benefit could be receiving free tuition for their children to go to a private school. Or they may be given special privileges to use church properties for vacations. If there has been any exchange of monies or benefits resulting from being on the Board/Council, they should be removed because unintentionally or intentionally they have been compromised. There is a big difference between being on staff and being on a board/council. One is a paid position the other is not.
4. Is it a local or national Council/Board? Without good oversight each structure can have its own pitfalls. Just like in school, when the teacher allows students to grade each other’s papers, students might overlook mistakes in the hope that others would do the same for them.
5. Does the Board/Council reflect the congregation in different ethnicities, gender, and cultures? Many of them are male only and there is no diversity.
6. Does your Board/Council give full disclosure of their meeting minutes and financials every quarter? Once a year they should give a fully audited/review of their financial report. If it is abbreviated, ask for the full report and for any footnotes. Even when you are able to see these reports, ask more questions because many things can be hidden in a financial report. This is not the 1980’s, these reports should be uploaded to a website for easy access.
7. How do they determine senior pastors’ compensation and is there an itemized list of benefits that have pre-determined amounts they may not exceed? This is important because the area of compensation is where a narcissist can go from “having a cough” to “ending up in the ICU” in financial mishaps. They start monetizing everything. Everything from their personal vacation to creating their own 501c3 and using the church as their platform to promote it. Many churches even use volunteers as a way to make a larger profit. The lines get blurry quickly between what is a personal expense and what is church expense. If the pastor goes golfing a lot with people…is that a church expense or a personal expense? This is another whole topic that we will touch on later when it comes to finances.
Our intent is not simply to state that the emperor has no clothing. With meekness and kindness, we want to focus on taking responsibility to ask the right questions, leading to proper accountability that can foster healthy communities of worship.
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